Nine Disturbing Signs You’re A Fake Person

Am I a fake person ? Are they fake? How can you know?

In this blog I’m going to show you the nine red flags every fake person is waving. Once you see it, you’ll never forget it.

I put all of these into a solid YouTube video as well, you can watch it here

1.) Your voice changes

When you’re fake, your voice will go up into “nice voice”, sometimes even into a fake accent when you’re uncomfortable asking for something. For example, a high pitched squeak when you’re wondering how much something is. Or a British accent when you want to go home.

Why do you believe the real you couldn’t get what you want?

2.) . “Felt cute, might delete later”

The flip flop between being cool with what you put out there, and uncool with it is your mind showing you various things various people could say. Sometimes it makes you feel GREAT, sometimes it makes you feel scared. That’s the flip flop between felt cute/might delete. That’s a sign you’re fake. A pile of drafts, never posted, is also a big red flag.

In Fuckless, the free book and the course, I teach you all about what it sounds like to be on brand, and what it sounds like to be on brand - FOR YOU. It will be different for each and every person. If you know something is on brand, you’ll feel confident letting it stand. If it’s off brand, you won’t even post it.

3. ) People Pleaser.

The funny thing about people pleasers is that the people around them never seem that pleased. Like, it’s clearly not working. A lot of people identify as a people pleaser, so I think a more acute way of looking at this is someone who won’t return food in restaurants, because they’re afraid of being “a bitch”.  I worked in restaurants and bars for 15 years, and someone could return every drink and plate and still be great, but it’s not because of a high pitched voice, it’s because they’re telling the truth. “I really didn’t like this.” The truth is chill. Truth is no problem. If it’s the truth I can take one look at your plate and see you’re telling the truth. You don’t like it, there’s one bite gone. 

People want to help you find what you want. If you don’t like the food, the restaurant wants to get it right for you. This is a metaphor for all relationships. You eat something you don’t like, thinking you’re pleasing them. Your unsatisfied behavior shows in the behavior and tip. Then you penalize the restaurant for your lack of truth. You call it  “hyped up”, or “overpriced” or shitty, and avoid returning. Look, we’ve all ordered crappy things at restaurants. I’ve seen rich people and poor people return food. (although I will say that rich people are much more accustomed to it, as they feel like they belong in nice restaurants and sometimes poor people feel like they might get thrown out if they’re not “passing”. Been there.) If you don’t like something, it’s safe to say so. It’s safe to take up space. I do want to teach you that.

4.) Perfectionism.

When the adults in your childhood didn’t admit to making mistakes, you get the idea that they’re perfect and you’re the only one fucking up. You aspire to be “perfect” like them, and it can be iconoclastic when you realize one day that they really aren’t perfect, weren’t perfect. For example, I only realized my mom was a closet alcoholic when I was getting sober at 27 and looking for non-alcoholic Mickey’s because my mom used to drink it, and I would find the caps under her bed. As a sober adult I understood what a closet alcoholic looked like, and it explained a lot of things I had wondered about as a child. How could someone so perfect do X and Y to us?

 If only the realization that your parents were imperfect could undo the ingrained sense of perfectionism forged in the fires of your formative years. 

You know you’re a perfectionist when you’re devastated by each and every mistake that you make. Like, one mistake sends you right back to square one. You can’t stop beating yourself up. One mistake and it’s like you never succeeded before, ever. 

This is because one mistake does ruin the aspiration of “perfect.” You can’t make one mistake and be “perfect”. 

But you can make a SHIT ton of mistakes and still be GREAT.

To unhook from perfection, you have to hook onto something else. No one remembers perfect people, because they don’t exist. Not even Princess Diana. 

But the world forever remembers GREAT people. And great people make a lot of mistakes. The baseball player Babe Ruth held the record for the most home runs. At the same time, he also held the record for the most strikeouts. The world is focusing on your hits. Not your strikeouts.

Couldn’t you?

5.) Fear of fame.

This is a tricky one because most people don’t realize that they’re absolutely terrified of public recognition. Why?

Because when all eyes are on you, you don’t have the ability to turn the cameras off. If you are operating in the inauthentic nature of either being “off” (the real you) or “on” (the fake you) , you’ll be paranoid that the real you will be caught on camera, and you’ll be revealed for who you “truly” are. 

If you’re a generator, or a manifesting generator like 68% of the population, and you’re here to create a volume of content, it’s NOT all going to be Chanel. It’s not supposed to be. You’re here for reality TV, not Academy Award performances. You’re here to riff, and go off on what you’re inspired about. You can’t sit on a long form podcast like Joe Rogan and have secrets. They’re going to come out. You can’t stay in character on a reality series. When you’re famous, 50% of people will love you and 50% will hate you. There’s no escaping that. Being authentic means you are impervious to the opinions of others, you don’t defend your position because just because someone accused you of being who they think you are, doesn’t mean you are that way. If someone says I LOVE YOU, you’re like “I can see why you would say that”. If someone says “I HATE YOU” you’re like “I can see why you would say that”. Compliments don’t inflate you, and criticism doesn’t deflate you.

 In my workshop Fuckless, I’ll show you exactly how to deploy authenticity in home, and in the marketplace. We also have a live broadcast of How To Be Famous + QA every Thursday at 1pm for the month of February, on my pop culture podcast, The Intuitor (tapes live on TikTok and IG).  You can submit as many questions as you want on my app, Safehouse Global. Just nab a free account, enjoy your free 120 page ebook/audiobook on Authenticity, and drop your questions in the Fuckless QA.

6.) Talking about people who aren’t in the room, using a LOT of words.

       Fake people love to talk about everything but themselves. It’s very easy for them to criticize others, demand perfection, and find something wrong with everything. It may come off as a superiority complex, but there really is no such thing. There is only an inferiority complex, masked with talking like you’re above everyone and everything. Takes one to know one baby. There was no one on earth more inauthentic than me. I escaped a doomsday cult at age 13 and had to go “blend in”. A shellshocked 13 year old with rent to pay and a perfectionist complex isn’t going to go around telling people the truth. Especially when they’re only realizing that the “truth” of a doomsday sex cult is dramatically different than the life anyone else is living. I couldn’t even tell people my age because I needed to be 16 for a job.  For survival I would listen to other people and mentally record what they said, so I could replay it when people asked me questions or I felt it was my time to fill the air. If things were quiet I felt like other people were judging me for not being the entertainment.

 My entire personality was a patchwork quilt of other people’s  jokes, other people’s catchphrases. Other people’s likes and dislikes. I realized this one time when I was on mushrooms, and I was only 16, but I didn’t know how to stop it. I couldn’t. Which brings me to Red Flag #7

7.) Shitty relationships

When no one can know you, no one can love you.  If you are always showing one side of yourself to the world, you can’t be in relationships with people for too long because the real you will start to come out. When the real you starts to come out, or you get tired of maintaining a false personality for someone who isn’t putting “as much work in” as you are, you’ll jump ship. Whether you’re married or not.

If you have to fake an entire personality for a relationship, it’s because you’re so scared that the real you isn’t lovable. It’s a lot of work, so of course the relationship isn’t going to be fair. Fake people know how to spot another fake, and they can’t stand the taste of artificial personality. 

The shit part is, when you are faking a personality it’s because you believe the “real you” is so unworthy, uninteresting, and unlovable that no one could possibly care. The problem with fake is that you can’t be “Who you are on the inside” because that’s not the real you either! The outside world gets “I’m such a success”, a projection of 500 kilowatts. That projection casts an equal and opposite shadow. -500 kilowatts.  “I’m such a failure”. You’re neither! That’s why this work is so crucial. But these two projections are choosing your partners. Not the real you.

They’re not your type, they’re your pattern.

Your pattern isn’t determined by who you think you should be, it’s determined by who you’re afraid you might be. Needless to say, the standards for “unworthy” and “unlovable” are very low, and that’s why fake people have such bad relationships. (*cough* Lady Gaga *cough*)

8.) Not great at family/work functions.

           Fake people have a very hard time at family or work functions. Basically any time you’re surrounded by a network of people used to seeing one side of you. A lot of times they get the reputation for being bad drunks because it’s harder to maintain a personality when you are incapacitated. Liquid Courage refers to how empowered you feel to be yourself and speak your mind when your mental faculties are disabled. Unfortunately, the side effects of uncorking bottled up emotions, and having a heightened emotional state creates a ticking time bomb. A fake person’s track record of ruining the party they were initially the life of makes them pretty nervous to attend new ones. Even if they’ve always saved face in public situations, what face were they saving? 

9.) Defensiveness

A false personality is the classic “glass house” situation. The reason the saying goes “people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” is because extreme judgment, criticism, and gossip is usually the behavior of a fake personality. No one is born with a fake personality. It’s learned in response to childhood pain. You come to believe that the only way people could love you, is if you weren’t you. That the only way you could ever get love is to work for it, work for it by being different than you are. This conviction of unworthiness seeps into all areas of life, which is why people see such dramatic increases in their finances when they start sharing authentically, in person and online. It’s why people  However, someone with a delicate glass body is afraid of the world, afraid of relationships, afraid of recognition and deep connection. As a result, they can’t receive it. 

When you believe you’re unlovable inside, and someone outside says they love you, that little voice on the inside chooses two narratives. Either “they’re lying to you” or “they don’t know the real you. If they did, they’d leave”. Regardless of what voice, it creates the same effect. “Do not accept this love.”. The same way that Amazon packages could stack up outside your door if you are not willing to receive them into your home, love can stack up outside of you if you cannot remember that the story of being unlovable was never true. 

When you’ve sat with this secret story of “I’m unlovable” for so long, defensiveness seems like the best way to protect the exposed and painful nerve. It makes you want to “quit before you get fired”. You push people away before they can get too close. The same way that getting angry feels better than crying, because it seems powerful, defensiveness feels like you’re protecting that innocent little self who got so tragically mislabeled as unworthy. You reject to avoid being rejected, but when you end up feeling fully alone in a room full of people, it’s not acceptance you feel, its rejection, and it’s happening inside of you.

I understand. I understand. You don’t ever realize how heavy a false personality was until you’ve put it down.

BONUS!! 10.) People tune out when you speak.

Every single human was born with a sound current. A sound current is your unique sound, your unique vibration. No one else has it. Place your hand so gently over your throat, relax your shoulders. Take a breath down into your belly, open your mouth and exhale a natural sigh.  This is your sound current, this is your natural voice. When you speak your truth, it’s with your natural voice. When you speak your truth, you are claiming your cosmic birthright. When you use someone  or something else’s voice, it’s not DOING anything. When you open your mouth to speak and all of the sudden no one is listening and you pretend like you weren’t about to say anything, stop and evaluate. Was I speaking my truth or was I filling the air? If it was my truth, was I using a different voice to disguise it? Did I put on a British accent to truthfully ask “ can we please go home now?”

I am so insanely passionate about this topic, and nothing brings me more pleasure than to teach this step by step course in how to recover from believing you cannot be yourself safely. If this was eye opening for you, I hope you’ll join me for the greatest free ebook to ever hit your inbox. Fuckless: the step-by-step path to total authenticity is an 120 page ebook or audiobook that you can get right here.

Now that you know the nine disturbing signs that you’re a fake person, we can start making our way to a life in integrity. Integrity means “same on the inside as on the outside.”. This is my specialty, this is what I do. Nice to meet you